Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Drilling for the Everglades?

The insane Republican mantra of "DRILL EVERYWHERE!" has been one-up'd recently by everyone's favorite fugue-state maniac, Michelle Bachmann!  Whereas the previous crop of knuckle-heads had merely ignored environmental or economic reasons for not tearing the Earth asunder, ol' Bachmann has gone the final step, and is completely ignoring REALITY in here fervent rush to drill the hell out of the US (for Jesus).  Her latest scheme for Energy Independence?  Drill the Everglades.

Now, most folks would hear about that plan, and decide that, EVEN if there was oil lurking below the peaty vastness of Everglades National Park, perhaps completely destroying one of the most delicate ecosystem in the continental US might not be such a good idea.  Hell, the everglades are already stressed by horrendous water issues and terrible invasive organism problems; in the immortal words of the internet, "Leave the Everglades alone!"

But let's say you're some libertarian asshole that doesn't give a piss for the environment.  Let's say you couldn't care less about a swath of incredibly beautiful, biologically rich, and ecologically amazing piece of real estate that represents a triumph of the egalitarian spirit of the National Parks System; is there any reason that we SHOULDN'T be drilling in the Everglades for the vast hydrocarbon reserves of southern Florida!?!

Well, one VERY good reason for NOT drilling in the Everglades is that, as it turns out, there ain't any goddamn oil or gas there.  And, unless BP has recently initiated an ambitious peat-cutting scheme as a response to their deep water woes, I don't think there's much of a chance of anybody actually wanting to drill into the Everglades any time soon.

Albert Hine, a University of South Florida Geologist, pointed this out to some reporters, who took Hine's observation to Bachmann for comment.  Bachmann's response?  "The radical environmentalists put up one road block after another to prevent accessing American energy".  Intense, huh?  AND, despite the fact that she was completely ignorant and wrong about the everglades AND has had it pointed out to her, Bachmann is STILL endorsing a plan to open-up south Florida to oil and gas exploration.  That level of madness, pure and blinding as a the sun, is the sort of can-do attitude that the Tea Party brings to America!  Facts?  Fuck em!  We don't need no stinkin' liberal-commie facts!


FTthompson said...

I believe when you said g--damn, you meant Allahdamn

Eric said...

Actually, I should always write it as "god"damn, since none of em are real anyway.

Terrell K. Williams said...

I believe you meant Odindamn!! Or maybe Zeusdamn. Hey how bout Vishnudamn. Ok... they're not real either god damnit.

Megan said...

You lack Bachmann's foresight. She's just way ahead of the game. Give it a few million years and there will be coal there!

FThompson said...

Then restate as Allahdamn in a reply comment.

Chris M said...

IIRC, to allow for possible drilling is one reason why Big Cypress is a nature preserve rather than national park.