Thursday, April 23, 2009

Joe Barton - Stupid Bastard

Thank god for our elected officials! These tireless servants of the public good are working themselves to exhaustion, making sure that we AMERICANS have the proper level of accountancy in our horrible, socialist, marxist, muslim government. A good example of this sort of hardworking, decent, salt-of-the-Earth (you know...a moron) type is Rep. Joe Barton, of the Great(ly Stupid) State of Texas.

In case you haven't heard, lil' Joey Barton asked Steven Chu (PhD, Nobel Laureate, Smart Guy) to explain WHERE THE OIL COMES FROM IN ALASKA. In Six Seconds. Six Seconds to explain 100+ My of plate tectonics, subsidence, and paleoenvironments. In case you wanna see the full splendor of this asinine question, check it out here.

If you take a gander at that video above (or the transcript), you'll see the REAL POINT that Joe Barton (not PhD, not Nobel Laureate, Suspected Chronic Masturbator) wanted was Chu to admit that ONCE IT WAS WARMER IN ALASKA, which, I don't know, proves Jesus or defeats global warming or something. Anyway, if you want to see some gloriously arrogant ignorance on Barton's side, take at look at this video that his office put out (via Wonkette, of course), where he gloats about his "stumper" (which, as I type it, makes me feel very queasy and uncomfortable). Too, Barton bragged about his Victory Over Smartness on twitter, which just confirms my old theory that the guys who named "twitter" are actually cunningly making fun of most everyone on it.

Anyway, the point is, Barton is a jack ass and an idiot. If only there was some wordsmith, some comedy-smelter, who could take this cold ingot of stupidity and forge it into a sword of cleverness with which to smite Barton the Stupid!?!

Oh, that's right. David Rees is just such a man. Clicky clicky on the link, sit back, and watch the master at work.


Unknown said...

OK, if Rees is my favorite cartoonist, comedian, Ryan, you're my favorite geo-themed jester. What a hoot. This reminds me of how, when I was testifying to the Missouri Senate on gravel mining issues, a rep interrupted me and spent 15 fillibustering minutes talking about how Noah's flood had deposited all the gravel in Missouri's streams and it was thus (!!??) man's God Given Right to mine the hell out of it.

Eric said...

Holy Shit! What a nuanced policy position...reminds of Reagan's Sec. of State (?) who said that we didnt have to conserve natural reasources, because when they run out is when Jesus will come back and rapture us all.

And who the hell is Ryan?

Unknown said...

Sorry Eric, I was doing too many things at once and renamed you. You're thinking of James Watt (, who, historically, will be to Dept. of Interior what GWB was to the Presidency. Worst ever.

Anonymous said...

Once upon a time God created a group of low-IQ humans and called them "Republicans". Some of them ran for office and the rest joined the Tea Party movement. Climate change is beyond comprehension of their feeble brains and they blame global warming to their God farting at Democrats. They all are counting the days when the Great Rapture will eventually occur so they all can move to that other planet called the Great Blue Yonder. All the Democrats anticipate that great event too so the Earth will be idiot-free at last.